People have different vision of the same thing. As usual. About everything. So when someone says to you that you should love unconditionally, what do you think? What kind of love is that? Should you love all unconditionally, I mean the whole world? Even the terrorists? Haters?
So let’s start from beginning:
Of course love is unconditional! But.. does it mean that we should love unconditionally people who don’t treat us right?
I am not a Buddha and I do not intend to be him or anyone else, my name is Irina and I’m just a spiritual human being trying to live happy in a world that is messed up with values, beliefs.
Therefore, I will tell you what I think about loving unconditionally and my perspective, my way of living it.
My love is unconditional. Your presence in my life is conditional. My presence in your life conditional. Am I already confusing you?
What I give is always unconditional and goes directly from my heart. Whether it is motivation here, experiences that I share in order to help.. sending messages to people I like in form of funny or kind things, with the intention to distract them from their daily stress. Advice.. caring about people I love. Etc. That’s all an expression of love, you know? And.. everything is unconditional. I don’t expect something in return.
Having you in my life is conditional.
Me, being part of someone’s life is conditional. I have my conditions. Of course! The moment I see that someone doesn’t appreciate me, respect me.. or value me as a person, I will get up from table. Simply because I know what I bring to the table. It’s not selfishness. It is self respect. We all should learn this.
Once you reach the level of self awareness and self love these things will come naturally. If I see that someone’s energy doesn’t fit with my energy why would I force something that doesn’t come naturally?
Let’s speak about friendships.
“Rules” are very simple. My love is unconditional. But if I see that the friendship is lacking in some things that are essential to me, simply I don’t need to have those people around me. What’s the point? I’m always for quality, not quantity. I have my definition of friendship, and I can’t be a friend to all. I don’t need to be liked or accepted by everyone. The same goes for others when they think about me, I don’t “fit” in all definitions of friendships. Of course not! It doesn’t mean that I am good and they are bad, it simply means that we are not all the same and on the same level of consciousness.. We don’t have the same interests, visions.. etc.
What about relationships?
The same thing. When I love it is down to the bones, unconditionally. But my presence is conditional. Meaning, things that I don’t like are a lack of honesty, trust, loyalty, respect. Etc. So my presence will be conditional by these. If any of these things are missing the only thing you will have from me unconditionally is the memory of me. Simply I can’t give my love to someone who treats me as a option. Why would I?
What is the point of loving unconditionally if someone doesn’t respect you? Do you love yourself unconditionally? If you do then you will know (feel) to whom you should give your love to!
Let’s also speak about what is not unconditional love.
We decide whether we will participate in something we don’t feel good about or not. We decide whether we want to stay in relationships that don’t make us happy. If you are staying in a relationship where the other person is not respecting you, and your answer is: I love him/her.. I would ask you again to ask yourself are you sure that the love is the answer to staying..? What’s love for you? If loving someone unconditionally for you means staying with someone who disrespects you, then keep on giving your unconditional love.. just keep continuing.
Do you follow your gut feeling?
Are you the type of person who would go out just because someone insists.. someone you don’t even like, or to go to a party you don’t even want to go. Do you participate in conversations you don’t want to..? Like gossiping etc.. If you are then.. Why? You think that it is a form of unconditional love in friendships? Do you think that this will make you a good friend? Whaaa’? Wrong.
Whatever you put out there is gonna come back to you. If your expression of loving unconditionally means to participate in friendship you don’t feel good about, then you can guess what will you receive?
So giving your unconditional love to someone who doesn’t appreciate you.. can you guess what you will receive? How will you feel? Instead of giving your love unconditionally, try to understand unconditionally why is someone treating you like that? Try to understand that person, and yourself.
You know that it’s your “right” to say no to all those things you don’t feel good about? Are you aware that by saying yes to others you said no to yourself and that you didn’t respect yourself? You didn’t love yourself unconditionally. If you don’t respect yourself how can you expect that others respect you? If you are that type who would rather please others than listening to your feelings.. why do you do that? That’s not unconditional love! That’s.. not love at all. Do you think that this will make you a good person? Nope.. Simply, think vice versa.. And you will find the answer why..
If you are a giver, like myself, you need that extra protection.. people will love to be around you.. They will love the way you think, your energy, the way you make them feel, more or less everything about you. They will love the love you are giving to them unconditionally and.. don’t you dare stop doing it. Don’t you dare. At least they expect that. The moment you stop doing that (you know your reasons-your conditions) they will get mad at you. How dare you stop loving them unconditionally when they simply love receiving unconditionally your love. Your unconditional love for their needs. Not loving you for who you are, but loving you for making them feel good. Oh boy that’s not love.
Or, God forbid, you fall in love with someone who is taken.. (not by Liam Neeson, tho). You will give your love to someone who already has a partner. It can happen. Of course. Just be sure that their love is or will become also unconditional for you. Not conditional by love they give to their partner. Don’t accept to be an option for anybody. Especially not to those to who you are not a priority.
Love yourself unconditionally and love your love unconditionally.
Be very mindful whom you give your love to.
Love needs to be loved.. unconditionally. Love needs love.
You know.. I’m not here to be loved or liked by all. I am here to love. That’s my focus. To love unconditionally those who deserve my unconditional love. To express my love in so many ways. I love to love. I also learnt all those things that I mentioned.
And again, please think.. learn what love is, first of all, self love. Learn to give and to do the things without expectations. Be kind and generous. BUT firstly be kind to yourself. Know your limits and when to step back.. When you see that someone doesn’t respect that, learn how to let them go.
Love is the answer to everything. But my presence and respect has to be earned. Especially if it is given freely.