What is the measurement for a good friendship? Definitely not the same for all.
I make a difference and I divide them into three groups: Acquaintances, friends & true close friends (we use a different special word in serbian – ‘prijatelj’).
Letting go of people can be very difficult. Especially those we consider our friends. Sometimes or often we have beliefs that if we are friends with someone for so many years that it is a guarantee for a good friendship. I guess someone taught us that. But that can be really wrong.
Because we change. We all change. Some of us in the same direction and some of us in the other. Some people want to learn, to grow and other refuse to do that. Also, matters of interests in life are very different and can vary from person to person. That is completely fine and natural.
What I would like to point out here is:
When you start to feel bad in that friendship, what do you do? When you outgrow that friend, or he outgrows you, how do you behave? When your paths after sometime go in opposite or different directions how do you feel?
Deep inside you know that you are staying friends with that person even if you don’t feel good about it? Why? Isn’t it better to accept that person as he is and let go of him (and vice versa) if necessary. You want honesty from others.. right? But are you honest if you stay friends with someone, even though your roads go in the opposite direction? Accepting situations and people as they are is a crucial thing.
For an instance, if you struggle and your “friends” just watch you struggle, they are not your friends. So what’s the true reason for still wanting them to be part of your life?
Why do you call someone a friend if you don’t really feel it? Instead of letting go of him you end up disappointed in that person! Oh boy that is so wrong. You know why? Let me make it clear it for you: It isn’t that the person who has disappointed you! But your expectation you had from him!
Instead of changing something, like having a honest conversation with your friend, speaking about how you feel, what hurts you.. you choose not to do that, most of the time coz you fear their reaction.
As I can see, we have another issue here. You fear what others will think about you. So, most of the time you tell them what they would like to hear, and not how you feel! Instead of talking to them you go around and speak about that with other people. How he disappointed you, how he behaved differently, how he has changed.. Do you think that this is making you a good person? NO! Try putting yourself in their position, and you will see why.
As you can see that person didn’t disappoint you, it was your expectation of how he should behave.
So going around speaking about it won’t solve anything, it just creates a false image of that person. Have you ever thought about it?
You might end up fighting with that person just because of the expectations you had. And maybe, maybe he just changed. For the better. Maybe instead of judging try to see reasons why did that happen? So be responsible and mature to have a decent open honest conversation. It might not be easy, but definitely necessary. Be sure to say everything you feel bad and good about.
And if that conversation doesn’t end up how you would like.. then so be it!!! Everything happens for a reason.
So do what is right not what’s easy.
By accept that fact that we all change, you can avoid fighting. People come and go. Accept it. It is about those people who respect you, make you feel good about yourself, who appreciate you. It is about quality, not quantity. Don’t measure your friendships with how long you know that person, but how you feel with that person! So accepting and letting go should be the right thing to do.
Again: Stick with those who see through you! Who support you! To whom you don’t need to give explanations. Those are keepers. If you have only one friend who is like this.. omg you are one very rich and fortunate person.
Let me tell you about myself, I felt sad when people who I thought they were my friends didn’t behave like I would. So I ended up disappointed. Why? Because of my expectations that every single person will behave like I would! Learning all those things from above and applying them, I needed to let go of people very close to me. Of course I didn’t feel good. But it was necessary. For me, for them, in order to avoid more misunderstandings and end up fighting without real reason. They can be angry, I can be angry, but what does it serve?
Maybe you will meet your best friend tomorrow!
But first and foremost define what friendship means to you. As usual, definitions!
Is it loyalty? Are you a loyal person? Loyal to your friend or your need of him?
Ok, my point here is, now when you have that definition, ask yourself do you offer the same things in friendship you expect? Be true to yourself.
People come and go, that’s normal. The same as you come and go in their lives. The higher your level of consciousness is, your soul will want to have people with the same visions, or even higher from yours. That’s why is so important to let go of people.. So new ones can enter your life. Please, don’t you dare to shrink yourself for people who refuse to grow. Know that not everybody will like you, neither should they. The more honest and true you are, your circle will become smaller. Pay attention. I call that: The circle of life.
I am completely fine with that, as I am always for quality not for quantity.
As your life changes, so will your circle!
You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. Do you like what you see?